As I sat there rocking my sweet princess to sleep tonight, I realized that there were so many things I wanted her to know about her first few months on Earth. These things include, especially, intimate moments between her and me. For some time now, I have meant to write these things down in a series of letters to save for her, but I regret that I have not made the time to do this yet.
First off, I never imagined myself as being the mother of a little girl. I had always wanted a little boy. We picked our "boy" name first, and I had nightmares the weeks before you were born that I couldn't bring you home from the hospital because you didn't have a name. However, my longing for a boy ended the second we found out you were a girl. I was scared that I would not know how to be the mother of a little girl, but now it seems as though I have been your mother forever.
I wanted a child for 7 years before you came along. In fact, my longing to be a mother preceded my longing to get married. (Note: I was not trying to have a baby before I got married!)
Early in our marriage, almost all of my fights with your Daddy came about over having children. He wanted children but was not going to be rushed into fatherhood. He was right, and we were able to build our relationship strong before you were born.
When Daddy gave the go-ahead, it took us almost a year to get pregnant. I was fearful that we might never have a child. The Lord knew better. The morning we learned of your existence happened very uniquely. I took a pregnancy test as I did almost every month and waited as the big negative line raced across the test. When I saw the minus sign, I threw the test in the garbage can as usual. 3 minutes later, our cat knocked over the garbage pail. I picked up the test and it was positive. I thought that it must surely be wrong, but it wasn't.
Your Daddy went to every prenatal visit with me minus one. He heard your heart beat for the first time just as I did. He saw you on ultrasound the same time I did. He wanted to name you Rebbecca, I objected. He told me I could buy anything I wanted for your nursery as long as he didn't have to paint. That is why your nursery is collard green. He put your crib and changing table together after much swearing.
I spent all summer watching The Learning Channel so that I would know what to expect in child birth. We went to a child birthing class at the hospital you born.
I never went into labor. I never dilated at all, even with the induction. That is why we scheduled a c-section. Your daddy stayed with me the whole time and held my hand during the surgery. My stay with you at the hospital was blissful. His was restless.
About the 3rd day post partum, I started crying. I didn't stop crying for almost a month. I remember looking at you and thinking-"she is so beautiful." I had to buy the pictures they took of you at the hospital because the thought of you being deleted after 2 weeks tore my heart out.
At 2 weeks old you stopped sleeping on your back. It took me days to figure out why, but you would finally lay on my tummy and drift off to sleep. You have always slept at night, although, the 1st 5 weeks you didn't nap. You screamed all the time and would crash about 9:00. At week 5, we figured out that you were hungry, gave you a bottle, and you have napped ever since.
You were breastfed until you were 5 weeks old. Then you figured out that milk comes much easier from the bottle. You got "mommy's milk" until you were 5 months old.
You moved into your own room when you were 6 weeks old. You and your Daddy slept great. I didn't sleep.
I say prayers with you every night. Some of the things we pray for are : thanksgiving for you, a good night's sleep for you, early salvation for you, for you to live up to your namesake "Devoted to God,"and for God to help Mommy and Daddy raise you to please Him.
You got your first cold when you were 11 weeks old. It scared me to death.
You got RSV when you were 3 months old. That was even scarier. Your Daddy stayed at home a whole week and took care of you.
There are many, many more things to write, but they will have to wait for another post.
